I’ve always lamented the fact that Halloween is just one day, while Christmas is an entire season. We spend weeks — months, even — bombarded by red and gold baubles and silver tinsel and carols and bake-offs and elves on shelves. Halloween, meanwhile, gets maybe a weekend.
I think Halloween deserves much more fanfare. Here are 7 reasons why.
1. You get to be someone else for the day. Or, put another way, you don’t have be yourself. How great is that? I put up with me all year long. Same old face in the mirror. Same body (for the most part, aside from the incremental, inch-along changes that same to slide from one dress size into the next without me realizing it). Same uncooperative hair. Same work. Same worries. Blah, blah, blah. At Halloween, I get to wear a long, black flowing robe and cape and imagine myself some wizened vampiress with a 36-24-36 figure who need only wink and snarl to beckon her army of bats and sic them on that shitty boss she used to work for at an agency long ago. How great is that?
2. You don’t have to spend it with relatives. God love my mother-in-law (she’ll never read this) and God bless her family get-togethers, but oh my Lord, the big to-do for weeks beforehand about what time will everyone be there and will I bring my stuffing again, and if I do, can I bring it up the night before, and when should she buy the vegetables (“It’s on a Sunday this year, so if I buy them Saturday, they’ll only be a day old, but Saturday is Christmas Eve and Loblaws will be so busy, but if I buy them Friday when it’s not as busy, they’ll be two days old…”) Oh, to just put on a black robe and light candles and hand out candy and watch The Exorcist.
3. It’s cheaper and doesn’t involve trekking through malls. Okay, you might spring a few dollars for your costume at Value Village, and the candy might run you $30 or $40 at Walmart. Oh — and the fake tombstone and spider web and orange lights from Dollarama… we’re talking maybe $10. We all know that pales in comparison to the cost and logistics of Christmas gifts — even with online shopping.
4. You get a bagful of candy. I’m going back a few years, but I remember the feeling of Halloween candy like it was yesterday. Carrying that bag. Feeling it get heavier house by house. Knowing what awaited when you got home into the light and could survey your loot. I even got a kick when my kids used to come home after trick-or-treating, and would shake their bags out on the floor and begin separating: crap to the left, good stuff (Kit Kats, Aero bars, Smarties, etc.) to the right. It always reminded me of how I felt as a kid. That Gollum-like thrill: Precious.
5. It’s not as cold and there’s no snow. Unless you live in Ottawa. With all due respect to my relatives in our nation’s capital, we lived there for a couple of years when our kids were small, and one Halloween it snowed. Talk about depressing. Made me wanna go out and kill a civil servant. Or sic my bats on them.
6. Yonge Street is a giant street party. I’ve lived in the Toronto area most of my life, and of all the places and parties I’ve been to at Halloween, none of them beats Yonge Street — especially when it falls on a Friday or Saturday night, like this year. The costumes, the revelry, the parties in pubs and bars spilling out onto sidewalks… it is so much bloody fun.
7. You can dress like a prostitute and get away with it. Come on, admit it: who doesn’t wanna at least try dressing up like Julia Roberts dressed up like a hooker? Thigh-high boots… A barely-there mini-skirt… Wild, unruly tresses… Again, I’m going back a few years *suck in gut* but in my Ryerson days, Halloween was a chance to put down the hairbrush and step away from the mirror and be that person (or hooker) you kind of, sort of wanted to be.
So… enough said. There are still two weeks left to celebrate. Go eat some chocolate, and find some Spanx.